My Baby Story

A few things have changed around here. We have a new family member! Elaine May was born January 3rd at 2:38 am. She has blond hair and gray eyes like her dad and a double chin and a passion for napping like her mom. She is just perfect. But boy, is she a lot of work. I thought not much would change at first because babies don't do much. I thought we would just have to scoot over on the couch a little to make room for her and life would go on as normal. How wrong I was. But I will save the stories of waking up every hour at night, dropping her in the tub and colic for another day. This is the story of her birthday.

January 2nd started out as normal as any other day. It was Sunday and I was 3 days over my due date and thought I was going to be the first woman to be pregnant forever. I spent most of the day napping and went to dinner with the family for my mom's birthday. Soon after we got home from dinner, around 8:00 p.m. I started getting contractions. They came on really fast and really strong but there was no pattern. I would get a contraction and less than one minute later I would get another. But then another wouldn't come for 9 minutes and then 6 minutes, etc. Looking back now, I think Lainey was definitely controlling things even then, since she doesn't like patterns or predictability.

So around 10:00 pm Mike's shoulder hurt from me punching it and he called the hospital. Since the contractions weren't the standard "5 minutes apart" they told me to wait another hour and get in the tub. I don't know why they tell you to get in the tub, maybe it's so you're clean when you go in? Joke's on them though, I didn't use soap or anything. I pretty much spent the whole time clawing Mike's leg and begging him to make it stop.

After what felt like an eternity, I got out of the tub. Which was pretty easy, since I was half hanging out of it grasping at Mike who was desperately trying to get away. I got dressed and decided enough was enough. I told Mike "I don't care what the hospital says, we are going." And as soon as I said that my water broke. Even though I was now in more pain I was happy because I now had the golden ticket. No matter what, the hospital couldn't turn me away.

I have never seen Mike move so fast as he finished packing our bags and threw them in the car along with me and the carseat. Then at 11:40 at night we raced to the hospital. In what is usually a 30 minute drive, we made it there in about 15. Of course, that was still too long for me and I was convinced I was either going to pass out from the pain or have the baby in the car. Luckily, neither happened and we made it in one piece.

Somehow, we made it up the elevator, down the hall and turned the corner to the labor and delivery wing. About halfway down that corridor was an empty wheelchair. I told Mike that was it, I was done and they would have to come get me. And I dropped to my hands and knees as he ran to get a nurse. I guess I decided I had done enough work already and I didn't need to walk anymore. They came rushing over with the wheelchair, picked me up, and wheeled me into the delivery room.

Mike had to sign a couple papers for me at the front desk. He says it took less than a minute and when he walked back in the room I was completely naked and up on all fours on the bed. This is so out of character for me as I am a modest person, but apparently clothes were making the pain worse. I wouldn't even put on the gown they gave me.

Without asking, they injected me with fentenol; a drug used to calm down crazy women who refuse to lay in the bed the right way. Luckily for them, it worked. I was able to lay on my back and yell at Mike in that position.

They got the anesthesiologist in there pretty quickly. He was a nice guy, but spent forever telling me about the epidural. Dude, I don't need to hear the history of the drug, just give it to me already! Finally, he finished his monologue and gave me the shot. It was wonderful. Best.Drug.Ever. Within 5 minutes the pain was gone and I was happily chatting with everyone. The only thing that was bugging me was that I was hungry and kept asking Mike for an orange. I knew they wouldn't let me eat, but I wanted to see if Mike would try to sneak it to me. He didn't. Rule follower.

The Dr. arrived around 2:00 am and we started the process of bringing Lainey into the world. Once the Dr. had her little head, he paused to style her hair into a mohawk. Very funny for everyone else in the room, but hello, we're in the middle of something here!

Then at 2:38 am she was here. She weighed 7 pounds, 8 ounces and was 19 and a half inches long. Much bigger than any of us thought. They wrapped her up and gave her to Mike. And she just stared at him as intently as he stared at her. It was the best moment I have ever seen.

All of a sudden, this twosome is a threesome. And we couldn't be happier.