Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Team Obama

Breaking News: The President has more power than Twilight.

I'm watching the Ellen show and she has Robert Pattenson on (i.e. Edward Cullen) and the interview so far is basically the audience screaming and Robert pretending to hate it. And then, President Obama breaks into the program to discuss the recent attempted airline bombing. And I'll be damned if it wasn't timed just right because after Obama finished, it cut back to the Ellen show right as she was saying goodbye to Robert.

This is good news! Well, not that someone tried to bomb an airine, but that the President trumps Twilight. We can all sleep a little easier tonight.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

First Lunch, Then The World

I have a dilemma. I am at work and I’m hungry and I don’t know what to do.

Since I’m a temp, I work in a conference room at a big table with 2 other people. It’s really quiet in here. I brought Cup of Noodles from home for lunch, but I don’t want to be slurping it in front of everyone. And there is no way to eat Cup of Noodles quietly. It’s just not a quiet food. And I certainly don’t want to be that co-worker. You know, the one who always eats lunch at their desk and then asks to borrow your pen and gives it back all smelling like tuna fish and you’re like, you didn’t even have tuna today, why does this smell like that, but you can’t say anything because far be it for you to deny someone their lunch? Anyway, by slurping Cup of Noodles today not only will I drive my co-workers crazy but no one will ever let me borrow a pen again.

That leads us to option 2: get lunch at the restaurant downstairs. Why not, you ask? Well, because I go there almost every day. And I just know that as soon as I walk in the door they’re all “Oh great, here comes ‘Half Chicken Salad Sandwich Girl who Sneaks in Her Own Water Because She’s Too Cheap to Buy a Drink.’” And then they say “Hey, let’s mess with her again and not call her number when her sandwich comes up. Last time she waited almost 4 minutes staring at the sandwich on the counter but not knowing what to do with it. That was fun.” So I obviously can’t go back in there ever again.

So I called Mike and I explained my situation. He said “You know, there are starving children in Africa.” And I said “Yeah, but don’t you think it would be kind of rude for me to ask them what I should do? I mean, they’re hungry and all.” He sighed and said “Why don’t you go downstairs and order something besides Chicken Salad? Like, get a Cheese Sandwich to throw them off.” But what if they don’t pay attention and make chicken salad anyway and then I have to actually talk to them and make a scene about making a cheese sandwich. Isn’t that exactly what they want? Mike then mumbled something that I didn’t quite hear - something about how much he loves me or about needing therapy, I’m not sure. Then he said he had to go and hung up.

What am I to do? Maybe I’ll wait it out. See if I can just make it until dinner.

P.S. I just checked the package; apparently, it’s “Cup Noodles” not “Cup of Noodles.” I think someone should tell Nissin to add an “of” to be more correct in the English language. I texted Mike to let him know. He thinks I’m being culturally insensitive.

P.P.S. Found out Cup Noodles are packaged in the USA. Now who’s being culturally insensitive?

Update: I decided to eat the Cup Noodles. Mainly because I like saying that now and I wanted to tell other people that it’s actually Cup Noodles not Cup of Noodles. No one seemed very impressed. In fact, they all acted like it was no big deal. Plus, they refused to sign my petition to change it to Cup O’Noodles, even though I clearly explained that it would be revolutionary and break down boarders everywhere. At least in Ireland and Japan. And I'm sure that if I'm able to change the name, they’ll make me an honorary princess or something. Because that’s what princesses are supposed to do. And, as a princess, I bet everyone would lend me a pen. Win-win.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Maybe I Can Take Up Windsurfing

Well, I completed my last class this week. I now come with an MBA.

It will come in real handy while living in my parent’s basement.

For graduation, Mike and my parents threw me a Seinfeld-themed party. It was awesome. It was all the black-and-white-cookie-eating, candy-bar-lineup-solving fun you could have. It was spectacular.

I realized though that I am out of excuses now. I can’t turn down any more family parties or lunch with friends. It used to be that I would say “I can’t. I’ve got a lot of homework to do.” Now when Mike asks me can I “please make dinner just once this month?” I can’t say “I really need the time to study.” Or when he says “well, can you at least let me have the remote? You’re supposed to be doing homework, not watching Snapped re-runs.” And I would say “Oh, I’m doing homework alright…” And then he would make a note in that strange book of his that he calls “evidence” and walk around leaving his DNA all over.

Even this blob has been giving me a hard time since I don’t write as often as I should. Well folks, I’m out of excuses. Here I am all grown up and ready to take on real world responsibilities. And social events.


I wonder if I should enter a PhD program just to get out of doing the dishes for a few years?