Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Portland: Part I

This weekend I took Mike on a surprise trip...to Portland. I had him thinking we were going to another country or somewhere exotic. You should have seen the look on his face when I said "Portland!" Only kidding, he's a good sport and was excited.

First of all, the drive down was reminiscent of our wedding. Torrential downpour! You know when the rain is coming down so hard you can't hear your music anymore? That's how bad it was. We could barely hear each other. Our conversation went something like this:

Me: I love you so much, honey.

Mike: What? Your glove is full of honey?

Me: No, I said I love you.

Mike: Why did you even bring honey?

Me: I didn't bring honey. What on earth would I need honey for?

Mike: Just try not to get it on the seats - it will never come out.

Me: First of all, I am always careful and I never spill on the seats. Second, I DIDN'T BRING ANY HONEY.

Then we pull up on two large semis, one in the far left lane and one in the far right. Again, it's pouring rain and hydroplaning is a sure possibility. Mike looks at me.

Me: Are you Crazy? Don't go between them!

Mike (in a German accent): Go betveen zem are you crazy?

I look at him, and he looks at me and shrugs. He guns the engine and steers straight for the middle of the semis. I'm clutching my seatbelt and saying all the prayers I remember. And our little speedboat careens through the waters between the two large container ships. I punch out the Turkish agent that has climbed aboard. Mike grips the wheel and gives the motor some more gas. The ships are closing in on us. It is a tight squeeze but we make it through. Not so lucky for the Nazis chasing after us. They try to squeeze through as well, but don't make it in time and their boat explodes in a fiery explosion.

Me: I said go around!

Mike: You said go betveen zem!

Me: No, I said don't go between them!

There is some more machine gun fire, but we manage to outmaneuver it and continue on our quest for the Holy Grail.

(more stories from Portland to come...)

No comments:

Post a Comment