E-to-the-M

I love when people shorten my name. Like Em or Emmy or E. Especially when they don't really know me.

I'm being completely serious. I think it's cute.

For example, there is this total jerk I was working with who was incredibly rude to me on the phone. I told him who my client was and he just started repeating "buh-bye, buh-bye, buh-bye." But he didn't hang up so I assumed he was bluffing. So I asked about the market in his area and he flipped out and told me to do my own job. Which, hello, it is my job to ask you. Geez, just google me to figure it out (no wait, don't do that). So fine. I thanked him and hung up. The next day he sent me an e-mail basically saying the same thing. I replied and told him to shove it.

Ha! Just kidding. I wish that was me.

I replied and was too nice. I think I even used "I apologize" in there. I know, I could totally be the "Before" in an Old Spice commercial (I should have applied my Swagger that day!). But I was typing really hard when I wrote it. Maybe his eyes could feel the anger. By the way, wouldn't it be cool if you could add animation to e-mails? Like, so each letter would be typed boldly, one at a time. Maybe they could make a sound, like a hammer hitting iron even! But seriously, who am I kidding, if you could do all that I would probably choose something pink with butterflies.

Where was I? Oh yah, well he replied again and said "Em, I put a voodoo-hex on your goldfish so that he will never play sports again."

And you know what? Since he called me Em all is forgiven and everything is peaceful and tranquil again. Little did he know all he had to do was impolitely and unprofessionally shorten my name!

I'm kidding about the goldfish. I don't have one. Mike is allergic to animals.